Sex Coach, Or Sex Therapist? Which One Should I Seek?Jan 11, 2020
A relationship is hard work. I’d be disrespectful to your intelligence to suggest anything to the contrary. Between making sure your partner is emotionally and mentally satisfied, there’s also the issue of physical intimacy. Two people need to work together if they truly want to have a fulfilling sex life with one another. However, there are times where it seems like making it work requires so much effort, you don’t even know where to begin.
Should you seek a professional sex coach or sex therapist for help?
There are sex therapists out there to help two people connect sexually, and then there are sex coaches who can help couples with intimacy goals. But, when are these professionals really necessary?
If you find yourself wondering this very question, consider these surefire signs that a sex therapist or sex coach has the answers you are looking for, and which professional’s help your should seek.
There Are “No-Go” Zones In Conversation
People have a lot of hangups about sex. Sometimes they’re entirely personal, sometimes they’re formed by upbringing, while other times they can be traced to certain societal pressures. It’s important to be able to talk about how you’re feeling as well as what sex means to you as a person.
If you or your partner just can’t seem to open up about certain touchy subjects, a sex therapist can help approach the topic in a supportive and understanding fashion. Not only that, a sex therapist can work as an unbiased third party to present those odd feelings for either partner without them having to be put on the spot themselves. Without conversation, you’ll always have a major barrier in your level of intimacy.
You Want To Explore Different Sexual Avenues
If you’re looking to spice up your love life and increase intimacy between you and your partner, meeting with a sex coach is a great option for you. A sex coach will be able to help teach you how to have better sex with your partner and depending on the coach, he or she will also be able to provide actionable tips to take your sex life to the next level.
Sex coaches typically have personal experience overcoming these hurdles in their own lives which is often a better option than meeting with a certified sex therapist (since most of their knowledge will come from formal education). There are times where getting advice from someone who’s had real world experience solving the issue you’re dealing with is much more gainful than meeting with a clinical professional.
You Have Unresolved Sexual Trauma
Our world is one full of ups and downs. The downs for some people can be so significant that they leave a lasting mark on our psyche that isn’t always easy to put a finger on. Those who have dealt with sexual assault or unwanted advances in the past may have internalized their trauma in such a way that they lash out at their partner even though they really don’t want to.
Sex therapists specialize in how the brain processes sex. A general therapist might help you touch on the subject, but a sex therapist will help you retake your sexual agency so you can move forward positively.
You Experience Painful Sensations During Sex
Sometimes life can deal you a bum hand and make it difficult for you to enjoy sex normally. Whether it’s something like abnormal tightness or you just aren’t wired like other people, pain during sex is a surefire sign that a professional who deals in these issues is your way forward.
Sex therapists have proven methods to help deal with your issues in a way that will both reduce the issue overall as well as prevent it from spiraling out of control. Of course, a medical doctor should be your first stop if you are legitimately experiencing painful sex. But if there’s nothing they can do a sex therapist is your next best bet when it comes to minimizing the effect your condition has on your sex life.
Mismatched Desires Between Partners
This topic can be as simple as one partner having a higher libido than the other or as complex as one wanting to try something like BDSM while the other is vehemently against the idea. People are still afraid of disclosing certain kinks, even to partners that they love and couldn’t live without.
A sex coach will work with both partners to help find the best middle ground that incorporates everyone’s desires without stepping on any toes. These mismatched desires can be fixed relatively simply just with a little bit of re-framing with the help of a qualified professional. A sex therapist can also help you determine whether or not these differences are truly significant enough for you to consider yourselves sexually incompatible or if it’s just a matter of having to work together on a more involved basis.
A Sex Coach or Sex Therapist May Be Able to Help
A sex coach or sex therapist can be a valuable tool when dealing with sexual problems in a relationship. You can externalize all of your feelings onto them, they’re trained to deal with all of the emotions at hand as well as how to constructively grow from them. It can also change the dynamic from a You Vs Your Partner problem into one of You & Your Partner Vs The Problem. Any and all topics relating to sex are on the table, whether it be one of gender identity, a desire to change up the relationship a little, or just your average issues truly connecting. There’s no shame in seeking outside help in this matter, your issues will be completely confidential and nothing leaves their office.
This article was written with the help of sex therapist, Angela Watson. Angela is a sex therapist based in California who’s also a sex blogger that writes over at doctorclimax.com.